Load of Motherhood

My knowledge & experience of postpartum is that I wasn't myself. I didn't want to be with baby sometimes. Sometimes I didn't feel the motherly love and other times I felt inadequate. I wanted to be a perfect mother for my child but all the time all I was, was worried about if I were a perfect mother in others' eyes. I needed 'Me' time, I needed time with my husband because all I did and think about was if I am going in the depressed zone because of the baby. The fear was bigger than the feeling. I would cry feeding him, cleaning his poop, changing his clothes. My body didn't feel like mine. It was somehow different (with all the pain, sore breasts from feeding and the scar). All of a sudden I would cry because I needed some love. All everyone would say was about the baby. Nobody would ask me how am I doing.

But it was just because of my husband that this phase soon passed. He sat with me when I cried. He lend his ears to all my disappointments and negativity. He gave me hope. He gave me love. He cared for the baby but he cared more for me. He knew I needed him. So, he made me feel like Me.

And another thing that helped me get through this was my habit of writing down my emotions on a paper. Every time I felt too low, I would write down my feelings and acknowledge them saying myself that its ok to feel all of this. Its just a phase. It will pass away and I am much stronger than I think. This helped me a lot in letting out my negative energy and soaking in the positive. And just like that it passed.

I wrote this when my baby turned almost 7 months old and I became a happy MOM.

To all the mothers, I salute you. And to all new ones, I would say just have patience, it might take time but you will be 'YOU' again.

And to everyone reading this, you may ignore if you don't find the picture pretty but its just motherhood my friend.